I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
