I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
