we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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