I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
