Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
