dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
