He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
