Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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