Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
