Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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