when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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