I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize