Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
