none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
