is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
