I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
