That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
