he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize