32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
