Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
