My hand turned me down
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
