Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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