Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
