Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize