wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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