i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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