I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
