Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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