when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
