2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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