whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
