OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize