i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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