whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My pussy is not your playground.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize