too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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