I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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