shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i permit you to call me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
