I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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