he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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