I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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