found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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