Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
