Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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