I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
