Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
