he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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