Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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