turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
