We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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