You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
