I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
