Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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