Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
