i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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