I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
