Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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