I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
