There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
