im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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