Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
