I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
