There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
