Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
