A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
