chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize