I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
