It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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