Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
