great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
