I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
