Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
