That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
