apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
