the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
