My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
