This is not my ceiling
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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