apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Too much gin, very little bucket
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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