Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
