in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You made out with two different species that night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
