lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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