Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
