no, he came in my armpit
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
