dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
